The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
On being asked how Wayne Rooney's departure from Old Trafford would affect the other players Jose Mourinho replied,
"It will be very positive for them. They can now bring their mothers and grandmothers to the games. "
"It will be very positive for them. They can now bring their mothers and grandmothers to the games. "
- claretandblue82
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can find a solution in silence.
So we can find a solution in silence.
- claretandblue82
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My girlfriends dog just died so I got her an identical one.
Now she's got two dead dogs.
Now she's got two dead dogs.
- claretandblue82
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Judy Murray has reacted angrily at suggestions she shows favouritism towards one of her sons .
"What rubbish"she replied " I treat both Andy and old whatshisface exactly the same.
"What rubbish"she replied " I treat both Andy and old whatshisface exactly the same.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A sign above the door where I work says, "Once you go black you never come back".
You've got to have a sense of humour in the crematorium
You've got to have a sense of humour in the crematorium
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Ive been thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabillia on Ebay. Imagine all the Paypal...
- ageing hammer
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- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A bloke went to his doctor with an issue with his penis.
After examining him the doc diagnosed that he had the clap.
He said to the doctor " but that's impossible doctor I have not been with a women in years "
The doctor said " don't make any difference it's still the clap, do you masturbate? "
The bloke replied " well yes I do "
The doc asked " Fast or slow "
Bloke says " Slow "
The doctor says " there you have it, slow hand clap "
After examining him the doc diagnosed that he had the clap.
He said to the doctor " but that's impossible doctor I have not been with a women in years "
The doctor said " don't make any difference it's still the clap, do you masturbate? "
The bloke replied " well yes I do "
The doc asked " Fast or slow "
Bloke says " Slow "
The doctor says " there you have it, slow hand clap "
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The missus was clearing out some old clothes the other day.
She came running into the lounge and shouted "Look! I found an old pair of crotchless knickers in the drawer!.... And they fit me!!"
I didnt have the heart to tell her it was one of my old vests.
She came running into the lounge and shouted "Look! I found an old pair of crotchless knickers in the drawer!.... And they fit me!!"
I didnt have the heart to tell her it was one of my old vests.
- OFT
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Some time ago Elvis Costello swapped a tyre for a box of chocolates.
That was a Goodyear for the Roses
That was a Goodyear for the Roses
- pablo jaye
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- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
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- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Said the hedgehog to the scrubbing brushGreatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Accidents Will Happen
- Hugh Jargon
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I know two Mexican fireman who are twins.
Hose A and Hose B
Que?
Hose A and Hose B
Que?
Last edited by Hugh Jargon on Fri Jul 21, 2017 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Two builders on site.
One suddenly turns around and stamps on something.
What are you doing?
It was a snail
Why did you do that?
It's been following me around all day.
(Sorry builders!!!!)
One suddenly turns around and stamps on something.
What are you doing?
It was a snail
Why did you do that?
It's been following me around all day.
(Sorry builders!!!!)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Took my blow up doll back to the sex shop because it kept going down on me.
The man behind the counter said he didn't realise it did that and charged me an extra 20 quid
The man behind the counter said he didn't realise it did that and charged me an extra 20 quid
- OFT
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
There's some bastads selling on e-bay, a friend of mine paid 80 quid for a penis enlarger, it arrived in a plain wrapper with the only instruction 'do no use in direct sunlight'. when he opened it it was a magnifying glass
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
She will also be responsible for the rise of the cybermenbadgermax wrote:So the new Doctor Who is a woman. I bet she'll keep bringing up the past.