The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[Dover KUMB fan]

Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked backside out of the window.
Bloody toot and car moon!

[Bamber Gascoigne]

[Greatest Cockney Rip Off]

:lol: Stealing that one!

[York Ham(mer)]

Am reading "The History of Teaspoons". Stirring stuff.

[ageing hammer]

What's the difference between a woman praying in a church and a woman soaking in a bath.

One's soul is full of hope, the other's..............................

[Sauce!]

Went on a date with a dolphin last night.

It was great, we just clicked.

[Suffolk Iron]

So the new Doctor Who is a woman. I bet she'll keep bringing up the past.

I don't see a problem with the new Dr Who being a woman. It's not as if she has to actually park the Tardis is it?

[Eggs'n'nuts]

What's the difference between a foot massage and a very average drummer in a band?

One bucks up the feet................................

[badgermax]

What did the cow say to his son when he left for college?

Bison

[Tenbury]

Round here people wash their hands in a bison.

[ageing hammer]

Round here people wash their hands in a bison.

Don't milk it

[OFT]

Round here people wash their hands in a bison.

Having spent a year as a student in Wolverhampton/Wednesbury, many moons ago, that has tickled me.

[Sauce!]

Just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap.

[Dover KUMB fan]

Steer clear of the Tesco dating service.
A mate of mine used them and ended up with a bag for life.

[badgermax]

I tried to take a photo of some fog.
I mist

[Dover KUMB fan]

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'Thank you' will suffice

None of this 'How the hell did you get in my house?' carry on.

[Bamber Gascoigne]

I went to the Bakers earlier and every cake was £1 - except one which was £5.

I asked the Portuguese chap who runs the place "How comes that one is a fiver when all the rest are only a quid?" to which he replied......

"That's a madiera cake"....

[Hammer1972]

My girlfriend said it's ok to have a 3 inch penis.

But I'd still prefer she didn't have one...

[ageing hammer]

A crank caller rang my wife last night.

He said to her "I bet you have a tight arse with a huge pair of tits"

She answered "I do but he is down the pub with his mates and won't be back until all hours"

[Sauce!]

The other day I took my granddad to one of those spa places where a tank full of little fish eat all your dead skin.

Cost me nearly £50, but it was still cheaper than a funeral.