The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- ageing hammer
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- Hindley Hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital.
One's in a korma
The other's got a dodgy tikka
One's in a korma
The other's got a dodgy tikka
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My wife came home early the other day and caught me masturbating over an optical illusion.
As she stormed out I called after her...
“but honey... it’s not what it looks like!”
As she stormed out I called after her...
“but honey... it’s not what it looks like!”
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Trafalgar Day Fact - Not many know that Nelson was 5'6" in real life. His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17'4".
That's Horatio of around 3 to 1
That's Horatio of around 3 to 1
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sauce! wrote:Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.
- jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I can't believe it.....i left two West Ham season tickets in the car last night.
Some scumbag has smashed the window and left 2 more!!!!!!!!!
Some scumbag has smashed the window and left 2 more!!!!!!!!!
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Wayne Rooney gets in his car to drive home after training. Its a very warm afternoon, so he sets the aircon to max and sets off.
All of a sudden, a tree appears in front of him! He tugs at the wheel to the left in a desperate attempt to avoid a collision, but immediately there ahead is another tree.
He turns the wheel back to the right, but ahead is yet another tree! Spinning the wheel back to the left only steers him towards another tree, and whichever way he steers there is another and another and another!
With sweat pouring down his face, he becomes aware firstly of the siren and then of the array of blue flashing lights from the pursuing Police cars, and he pulls the car into the kerb and exhausted, he slumps over the wheel.
"Good evening Sir" said the Police Officer, peering in through the drivers window. "we've been following you and your driving would lead me to conclude that you may be under the influence of either or both drugs and alcohol."
"No no Officer" shrieks Wayne over the noise of the aircon which is still whirring away. "All I did was try to avoid all of those damned trees back there - its ridiculous having them placed in the middle of the road like that".
The office leans lower, looks in through the window, shakes his head in disbelief, and declares...
"You daft **** - those "trees" were your air-freshener swinging about"!
All of a sudden, a tree appears in front of him! He tugs at the wheel to the left in a desperate attempt to avoid a collision, but immediately there ahead is another tree.
He turns the wheel back to the right, but ahead is yet another tree! Spinning the wheel back to the left only steers him towards another tree, and whichever way he steers there is another and another and another!
With sweat pouring down his face, he becomes aware firstly of the siren and then of the array of blue flashing lights from the pursuing Police cars, and he pulls the car into the kerb and exhausted, he slumps over the wheel.
"Good evening Sir" said the Police Officer, peering in through the drivers window. "we've been following you and your driving would lead me to conclude that you may be under the influence of either or both drugs and alcohol."
"No no Officer" shrieks Wayne over the noise of the aircon which is still whirring away. "All I did was try to avoid all of those damned trees back there - its ridiculous having them placed in the middle of the road like that".
The office leans lower, looks in through the window, shakes his head in disbelief, and declares...
"You daft **** - those "trees" were your air-freshener swinging about"!
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A Pirate goes to the doctors.
“Aaarrrghhh Doctor there be some moles on my back I’d like you to look at”
Doctor: “It’s ok they’re benign”
“Count again Doc, I think there be ten”
“Aaarrrghhh Doctor there be some moles on my back I’d like you to look at”
Doctor: “It’s ok they’re benign”
“Count again Doc, I think there be ten”
- pablo jaye
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Online
I had to look up what it was though
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Very goodSauce! wrote:Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.
I had to look up what it was though
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sounds like they've got too much P R I D E.orbital wrote:I was recently on safari in the Serengeti and witnessed two male lions shagging.
I thought blimey, have they got no pride?
(not that there's anything wrong with that)