The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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orbital
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by orbital »

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by orbital »

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

***

I found a wallet today, and as a good Christian I thought...
'What would Jesus do?'
So I turned it into wine.

***

I bought my wife some crotchless knickers for Halloween, nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on her broomstick.

***

I went into a sex shop today.
I was really shocked to find out how much all my wife's vibrators cost!
She's been sitting on a small fortune!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

The Mother in Law’s drowning, I’ve informed Emergency Services. I hope they save her or it’s a waste of a first class stamp.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a cup of tea?
Because he drank it before it was cool.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

An Irish electrician has been sacked by the US prison service for refusing to repair an electric chair.

He said in his opinion it was a bloody death trap.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

Ten pints.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trekking across the Antarctic.

Paramedics said he could have done with another coat.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Why is Kevin Spacey so bad at Hide and Seek?

He comes out at the wrong time.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

^^ :D ^^
Nicked!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Mods if not appropriate please delete.

Did you hear about the blonde terrorist.

She got mixed up between Semtex and Tampax and blew up the wrong kunt
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

The first rule of Alzheimers Club is...err... :?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

I went out and had ten pints of yogurt last night.

I was well Mullered.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

You know you're masturbating too much when you drop your w@nk sock and the missus shouts from the next room "I hope that wasn't one of my good china plates!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:You know you're masturbating too much when you drop your w@nk sock and the missus shouts from the next room "I hope that wasn't one of my good china plates!"

Cum a crocker? :)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I didn’t think my new orthopaedic shoes were doing me any good but I stand corrected.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by only1post »

How does a Muslim close a door?

Islams it
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

I was chatting to the tasty Chinese bird next door, & she told me she wanted a Rogerin'.
I was about to drop my trousers when I thought 'I wonder if she wants to rent out her spare room?'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Dover KUMB fan wrote:I was chatting to the tasty Chinese bird next door, & she told me she wanted a Rogerin'.
I was about to drop my trousers when I thought 'I wonder if she wants to rent out her spare room?'
Is she looking to expand her weaving business?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

In Spacey's, no-one can hear you scream...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-42009596

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