The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A young man walks in to his mum's house and says to his mum "Great news mum, I'm getting married" his mum says "well I'm pleased for you, who to?" So the son says "I'm going to bring home 3 beautiful young women and I'd like you to try and guess which one is going to be my wife" so his mother agrees.
The next day he brings the 3 lovely ladies to the house and they all sit down and his mother talks to them for a while and then the son says "ok mum, which one do you think I'm going to marry?" and his mum says "the redhead in the middle". He says "that's right, how did you know it was her?" His mum says "I don't like her"
The next day he brings the 3 lovely ladies to the house and they all sit down and his mother talks to them for a while and then the son says "ok mum, which one do you think I'm going to marry?" and his mum says "the redhead in the middle". He says "that's right, how did you know it was her?" His mum says "I don't like her"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The problem with porn for young people today is that it gives them an unrealistic idea of how quick you can get a plumber to come to your house.
- swisstony
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Got approached by a street magician claiming to be a mind reader today, he said "Think of any card, and focus on it, focus intently, picture yourself holding it and repeat it in your mind". After the usual stage show, fingers on the temple and intense staring, he glares at me and says "Three of Clubs!!", I answer "Sorry, you're wrong". A few seconds later he says "Nine of Hearts!!!", I reply "Nope, wrong again". So he asks "Well what card are you thinking of?"..... Congratulation on the birth of your new son
- Made In Leyton 1974
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
There will be a national charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm....
If you can't come, just let them know
If you can't come, just let them know
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I saw my friend stood outside the Doctor's today. He looked really worried and upset so I asked him, "What's the matter?"
He replied, "I've got the big C."
I was shocked. "What, cancer?" I asked.
"No, dyslexia."
He replied, "I've got the big C."
I was shocked. "What, cancer?" I asked.
"No, dyslexia."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Teacher asks her junior class,
What do Hens give us?
The Class replies ...Eggs Miss
What do sheep give us?
Wool Miss
What do fat pigs give us?
Bacon Miss
What do fat cows give us?
Homework Miss
What do Hens give us?
The Class replies ...Eggs Miss
What do sheep give us?
Wool Miss
What do fat pigs give us?
Bacon Miss
What do fat cows give us?
Homework Miss
- Haarlemammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Tough set of fixtures coming up for Enya rugby club:
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
:lol:Haarlemammer wrote:Tough set of fixtures coming up for Enya rugby club:
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
- Welling
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
In a recent NHS survey about constipation, 9 out of 10 people said that they couldn't give a s***.
- Made In Leyton 1974
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I went to a Kinky Fetish Restaurant last night.
I got toed in the hole!
I got toed in the hole!
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Last night an insect flew into our living room and exploded.
I think it must have been a Jihaddy Long Legs.
I think it must have been a Jihaddy Long Legs.
- Joyeux Marteau
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
not sure if this has been done before
Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .
(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)
Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .
(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
You need to stick an s on the end of that.Joyeux Marteau wrote:not sure if this has been done before
Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .
(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)
- Haarlemammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Walked past the bookies, earlier and there's a sign in the window, saying,
Open Sunday 11 - 4
I thought, it's been open the last 3 Sundays.
I'm going to have a tenner on that.
Open Sunday 11 - 4
I thought, it's been open the last 3 Sundays.
I'm going to have a tenner on that.
- S-H
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
That's gloriousJoyeux Marteau wrote:not sure if this has been done before
Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .
(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)
- pablo jaye
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Took me a second, but once i got it :lol:
- Cockneyboy311
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Haarlemammer wrote:Tough set of fixtures coming up for Enya rugby club:
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Took me a second, but once i got it :lol:
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A dress of Amy Winehouse sold for £43,200 today. That sounds excessive, but you have to remember a lot of needlework went into it.
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
On I'm a celebrity last night, someone got bitten by an aggressive ant.
Apparently, he was foaming at the mouth & suffering withdrawal symptoms.
Apparently, he was foaming at the mouth & suffering withdrawal symptoms.
- sicknote
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I went to the offy on my bicycle last night, bought a bottle of scotch, and put it in the bicycle basket
As I was about to leave, i thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break, so i drank all the scotch before i cycled home
It turned out to be a very good decision, because i fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home
As I was about to leave, i thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break, so i drank all the scotch before i cycled home
It turned out to be a very good decision, because i fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home