The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13895
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 496 likes
- Total likes: 1976 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
It's not good, but it is funny.
Which is what Mrs MB says about sexy time.
Which is what Mrs MB says about sexy time.
- hammer etc
- Posts: 2818
- Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:37 pm
- Has liked: 5 likes
- Total likes: 114 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
It would be if it were the other way around!!!vietnammer wrote:What did the big football books sing to the little football book?
"You're supposed to be a tome"
(I made that up. Is it any good?)
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31756
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 642 likes
- Total likes: 594 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
"What was sung to the little football book by the big football books?"
I dunno. The passive voice seems to rob it of the unique spontenaiety and impact which forms part of my comic genius.
I dunno. The passive voice seems to rob it of the unique spontenaiety and impact which forms part of my comic genius.
- hammerdivone
- Posts: 22276
- Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2004 1:55 pm
- Location: Somewhere between here and reality
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Viet, I think he means it should go
What did the little football book sing to the big football book?
What did the little football book sing to the big football book?
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31756
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 642 likes
- Total likes: 594 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Just didn't see it that way. Flattered it started a dicscussion though!
- Tenbury
- Posts: 9324
- Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:28 pm
- Location: Too near Kidderminster
- Has liked: 729 likes
- Total likes: 1228 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
That 'joke' was always going to start a dickscussion.vietnammer wrote:Just didn't see it that way. Flattered it started a dicscussion though!
Having said I that,I thought 'Benedictus' was funny.......
- uptonparkhurst
- Posts: 5159
- Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 10:01 pm
- Location: The World Wide Web - where men are men,women are men,and children are the Metropolitan Police
- Has liked: 64 likes
- Total likes: 16 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Monkeybubbles wrote:It's not good, but it is funny.
Which is what Mrs MB says about sexy time.
My wife has great sex - she's always phoning me up straight afterwards to tell me about it..
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13895
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 496 likes
- Total likes: 1976 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Little book"
"Little book who?"
"You're a tome"
"Who's there?"
"Little book"
"Little book who?"
"You're a tome"
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Reminds me....Monkeybubbles wrote:"You're a tome"
A Yorkshireman walks into vets & says "My cat's a bit poorly"
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "No, in a box in car"
- swisstony
- Posts: 693
- Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 5:09 pm
- Location: Crouching Down, Hidden Behind Ya
- Has liked: 161 likes
- Total likes: 68 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My favourite Yorkshire joke...
Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?"
The goldsmith says he can, then asks, "Do you want it eighteen carat?"
"Nay lad, gnawin' a bone'll do fine."
Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?"
The goldsmith says he can, then asks, "Do you want it eighteen carat?"
"Nay lad, gnawin' a bone'll do fine."
- Eggs'n'nuts
- Posts: 4187
- Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:10 pm
- Location: Swimming in a glass half full.
- Has liked: 158 likes
- Total likes: 338 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
That's tickled me! I'm using that if you don't mind.swisstony wrote:My favourite Yorkshire joke...
Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?"
The goldsmith says he can, then asks, "Do you want it eighteen carat?"
"Nay lad, gnawin' a bone'll do fine."
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A Mancunian and a Scouser go to a pastry shop.
The scouser whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The scouser says to the mancunian: "You see how clever I am..? You'll never beat that..!"
...
The mancunian says to the scouser: "Watch this, a mancunian is always cleverer than an scouser."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick..!" The baker gives him the cookie which the mancunian promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie... "
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The mancunian eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"
The mancunian says: "Look in the scouser's pocket"
The scouser whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The scouser says to the mancunian: "You see how clever I am..? You'll never beat that..!"
...
The mancunian says to the scouser: "Watch this, a mancunian is always cleverer than an scouser."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick..!" The baker gives him the cookie which the mancunian promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie... "
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The mancunian eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"
The mancunian says: "Look in the scouser's pocket"
-
- Posts: 677
- Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2005 4:59 pm
- Location: cambridge
- Has liked: 7 likes
- Total likes: 41 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A bit later on,after he'd been to the vets and the goldsmiths (see above ) the very same Yorkshire man walked into the chemist and said" Now,then chemist, I'm having trouble with me farmers,have you any arse cream ?"
"Aye" replied the chemist "Which does tha want, strawberry or vanilla"
"Aye" replied the chemist "Which does tha want, strawberry or vanilla"
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13895
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 496 likes
- Total likes: 1976 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Why did the little book cross the road?
To get to the big book. A tome.
To get to the big book. A tome.
- hammerdivone
- Posts: 22276
- Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2004 1:55 pm
- Location: Somewhere between here and reality
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
- Posts: 19314
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
- Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
- Has liked: 337 likes
- Total likes: 707 likes
- Contact:
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Midge Ure was asked to identify the location of the capital of Austria. After looking at it for 10mins he replied "This means nothing tome".
Last edited by Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
- Posts: 3177
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2888 likes
- Total likes: 616 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I've got a new job at a factory that makes chess sets.
I'm on knights next week!
I'm on knights next week!
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13895
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 496 likes
- Total likes: 1976 likes
- Yea Why Not
- Posts: 16954
- Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:49 pm
- Location: Chips & Gravy you say? Well you can shove that up your ass