The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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ereford ammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ereford ammer »

Sad news today. After years of medical training and hard work, a mate of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion!

Unfortunately he slept with one of his patients, so can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time and effort!

A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet!
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Joyeux Marteau
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Joyeux Marteau »

I was at the doctors the other day and he was just about to write my prescription when he pulled out a thermometer.
"Oh Christ" he said "some ass hole has got my pen"

Apologies if the is been done before.
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claretandblue82
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by claretandblue82 »

What is Samuel L Jackson's favourite car?

A Motherfuckcar!
ak-47
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ak-47 »

My mate got the sack yesterday from the carnival. He is going to sue them for funfair dismissal.
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Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

AK-47, I shamelessly nicked that :lol:

A scouse mate of mine got his kids a really nice trampoline.

I asked him where he got it from?

"Off the internet" he replied

I asked "What website?"

"GOOGLE MAPS!"
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Hammer1972
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer1972 »

I had a 'your mum' joke but I think they are a bit tired now.

They have been done thousands of times by thousands of people...

A bit like your mum.
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hudds town hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by hudds town hammer »

Hammer1972 wrote:I had a 'your mum' joke but I think they are a bit tired now.

They have been done thousands of times by thousands of people...

A bit like your mum.
tell us it i bet its really funny ........
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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron »

Two police men pulled a car over in Liverpool
They were surprised to find I was taxed and insured on inspection it had four good tyres , the driver had a clean licence not even one point for speeding
They had no option but to impose an £80 on the spot fine for wasting police time
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Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Dogs cannot operate MRI machines....

But Catscan
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Monkeybubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

I'm a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac. I lie awake at night wondering if there's a dog.
BalaamBoy
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by BalaamBoy »

ak-47 wrote:My mate got the sack yesterday from the carnival. He is going to sue them for funfair dismissal.

Consider this nicked!!

Thanks
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ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Went to the doctor and told him I was suffering from insomnia and that I was very worried.

The doc said "You shouldn't lose too much sleep over it" :eh:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by hammerdivone »

Asked the Mrs what she wants for Valentines. She said "give you a clue. Ex England goalie".

She's expecting Flowers. She's getting Seaman.
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'Appy 'Ammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by 'Appy 'Ammer »

Got a Romantic table for two booked for Valentines day.

I hope she can play Snooker
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vietnammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

I said to her: What do you think about Paris for the 14th?

Oh, that'd be wonderful darling!

Or Madrid?

Oh yes lovely!

OK PSG vs Real we're watching it tonight!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

Woman: Does Viagra work?

Pharmacist: Yes

Woman: Can you get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: Yes if I take two
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ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

^^^^ :D

Thieves broke into a pharmacy and stole their entire stock of viagra.

Police are looking for 4 hardened criminals.
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swisstony
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by swisstony »

Viagra is only the products marketing name, the pharmaceutical name is Mycoxaflopin
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-DL-
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."

The robot slaps the father.

Mum laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.
only1post
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by only1post »

I have just sacked my east European cleaner because she takes hours to do the hoovering.
She is a Slovak.
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