The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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OFT
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

Chromosomes.:
XX...Women
XY...Men
YYY..Delilah
Hammer.CA
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

A snail walks in to a pub, the landlord says "Get out, we don't serve snails in here" and goes round the bar and throws him out.
2 weeks later the snail goes back in to the pub and says to the landlord "What did you do that for?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

Son: Dad, why did you and Mum call my sister Teresa?
Dad: Because it’s an anagram of Easter and your mum loves Easter
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: You’re welcome Alan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

ereford ammer wrote:You can now get insurance for sex in the UK !
You forgot:

Sex with a desperate emaciated smackhead - Hastings Direct
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Lincolnhammer92 »

Courtesy of Bob Mortimer/Peter Beardsley

I went into a video shop and said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
The chap said "No, you've got to bring it back tomorrow"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

I went to see my doctor, & he told me I had a dose of the clap.
I Asked, "What's the cure?"
He replied "An 80's band fronted by Robert Smith, but lets stay on subject here"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

I saw on the news that Prince Philip is having a hip operation.
Is this to be followed by groovy bed rest?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Made In Leyton 1974 »

I haven't seen a scouser this excited over one leg since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by jevs »

Two Wigan Lads walking down the street in Manchester and they both see a sign in a Shop Window that say's...
Suits from £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers & Dresses £5.00.
One say's to the other '' Look at those prices'' ''We could buy a boatload and take them home to Wigan and treble our money''
They both go into the shop and say to the Assistant....
''I would like Twenty Suits, Thirty Jackets, Fifty pairs of Trousers and Twenty five dresses please''
The Assistant say's ''Are you two from Wigan?''
''Yes'' they say, ''How do you know that?''
The Assistant says...
''This is a Dry Cleaners''
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Bamber Gascoigne »

:D Jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Blow Bubbles »

I went to the local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if they sold Benylin?

'For cough?' he said

'Alright mate I only asked!'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

I don't care about Jews & Muslims believing in circumcision.
It's no skin off my nose.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Eggs'n'nuts »

Samba wrote:I don't care about Jews & Muslims believing in circumcision.
It's no skin off my nose.
Reminded me of the one where a bloke who had a circumcision and kept the off cut in his wallet. Whenever he met a woman he'd pass it to her and say "Try this. If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

I refereed a women's cup final today.

Four red cards. Two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and sent the other one of without any explaination leaving her wondering what she'd done wrong!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Smonnie »

Eggs'n'nuts wrote: Reminded me of the one where a bloke who had a circumcision and kept the off cut in his wallet. Whenever he met a woman he'd pass it to her and say "Try this. If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
It wouldn't be a whole one though.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

The man who invented the double entendre has died.

His wife is taking it hard.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

My doctor told me that I had acute angina.

:? I've never had a sex change...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

Sauce! wrote:The man who invented the double entendre has died.

His wife is taking it hard.
:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

A woman is sitting in the pew at her husband's funeral when a man behind her leans over and asks "Do you mind if I get up and say a word?" "No, not at all" she says. So the bloke stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora" and sits down again.
The woman turns to him "You know" she says "that means a lot".
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Burningaham »

Got an email this morning saying “bored housewife, 32, looking for some action”

So I’ve sent her two bags of washing and an iron.
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