The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- OFT
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A snail walks in to a pub, the landlord says "Get out, we don't serve snails in here" and goes round the bar and throws him out.
2 weeks later the snail goes back in to the pub and says to the landlord "What did you do that for?"
2 weeks later the snail goes back in to the pub and says to the landlord "What did you do that for?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Son: Dad, why did you and Mum call my sister Teresa?
Dad: Because it’s an anagram of Easter and your mum loves Easter
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: You’re welcome Alan
Dad: Because it’s an anagram of Easter and your mum loves Easter
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: You’re welcome Alan
- Monkeybubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
You forgot:ereford ammer wrote:You can now get insurance for sex in the UK !
Sex with a desperate emaciated smackhead - Hastings Direct
- Lincolnhammer92
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Courtesy of Bob Mortimer/Peter Beardsley
I went into a video shop and said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
The chap said "No, you've got to bring it back tomorrow"
I went into a video shop and said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
The chap said "No, you've got to bring it back tomorrow"
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I went to see my doctor, & he told me I had a dose of the clap.
I Asked, "What's the cure?"
He replied "An 80's band fronted by Robert Smith, but lets stay on subject here"
I Asked, "What's the cure?"
He replied "An 80's band fronted by Robert Smith, but lets stay on subject here"
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I saw on the news that Prince Philip is having a hip operation.
Is this to be followed by groovy bed rest?
Is this to be followed by groovy bed rest?
- Made In Leyton 1974
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I haven't seen a scouser this excited over one leg since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills!
- jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Two Wigan Lads walking down the street in Manchester and they both see a sign in a Shop Window that say's...
Suits from £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers & Dresses £5.00.
One say's to the other '' Look at those prices'' ''We could buy a boatload and take them home to Wigan and treble our money''
They both go into the shop and say to the Assistant....
''I would like Twenty Suits, Thirty Jackets, Fifty pairs of Trousers and Twenty five dresses please''
The Assistant say's ''Are you two from Wigan?''
''Yes'' they say, ''How do you know that?''
The Assistant says...
''This is a Dry Cleaners''
Suits from £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers & Dresses £5.00.
One say's to the other '' Look at those prices'' ''We could buy a boatload and take them home to Wigan and treble our money''
They both go into the shop and say to the Assistant....
''I would like Twenty Suits, Thirty Jackets, Fifty pairs of Trousers and Twenty five dresses please''
The Assistant say's ''Are you two from Wigan?''
''Yes'' they say, ''How do you know that?''
The Assistant says...
''This is a Dry Cleaners''
- Bamber Gascoigne
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- Blow Bubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I went to the local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if they sold Benylin?
'For cough?' he said
'Alright mate I only asked!'
'For cough?' he said
'Alright mate I only asked!'
- Samba
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I don't care about Jews & Muslims believing in circumcision.
It's no skin off my nose.
It's no skin off my nose.
- Eggs'n'nuts
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Reminded me of the one where a bloke who had a circumcision and kept the off cut in his wallet. Whenever he met a woman he'd pass it to her and say "Try this. If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"Samba wrote:I don't care about Jews & Muslims believing in circumcision.
It's no skin off my nose.
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I refereed a women's cup final today.
Four red cards. Two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and sent the other one of without any explaination leaving her wondering what she'd done wrong!
Four red cards. Two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and sent the other one of without any explaination leaving her wondering what she'd done wrong!
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
It wouldn't be a whole one though.Eggs'n'nuts wrote: Reminded me of the one where a bloke who had a circumcision and kept the off cut in his wallet. Whenever he met a woman he'd pass it to her and say "Try this. If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The man who invented the double entendre has died.
His wife is taking it hard.
His wife is taking it hard.
- Samba
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My doctor told me that I had acute angina.
I've never had a sex change...
I've never had a sex change...
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
:lol:Sauce! wrote:The man who invented the double entendre has died.
His wife is taking it hard.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A woman is sitting in the pew at her husband's funeral when a man behind her leans over and asks "Do you mind if I get up and say a word?" "No, not at all" she says. So the bloke stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora" and sits down again.
The woman turns to him "You know" she says "that means a lot".
The woman turns to him "You know" she says "that means a lot".
- Burningaham
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Got an email this morning saying “bored housewife, 32, looking for some action”
So I’ve sent her two bags of washing and an iron.
So I’ve sent her two bags of washing and an iron.