The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

I think I might have been seen nicking a load of Lego.
I've been bricking it, ever since..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Mega Ron »

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?
:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?
I told it in the pub and one of the women there didn't get it. She's really thick, though.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

I got it but I'll pretend not to have to try to embarrass MB with aloof unimpressedness. :|
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

vietnammer wrote:I got it but I'll pretend not to have to try to embarrass MB with aloof unimpressedness. :|
I've become immune to that over the years.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by carnage »

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?
I believe so
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?
Nope. (My dog took a while )
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The prices are all around the £100 mark, except for one on the end that is priced at only £10.
"Why so cheap?" asks the lady pointing at the end one.
The shop assistant replies "Well he was rescued from a Brothel after a police raid, And his language can be a bit fruity"
The lady grins & says "Sounds like it could be a laugh, so I'll take it."

She gets it home & sets the cage down in the lounge. "The parrot looks around & squawks "F... me! a new knocking shop!"
The lady laughs & thinks how funny her new pet could be.

Her daughters come in from school & immediately go to see the new house guest. "F... me! New prostitutes too!" says the parrot. Like their mother, they find it highly amusing.

The husband walks through the door at 6pm. The parrot squawks "F...me Keith, long time no see!!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tarte Encore »

Paddy and Seamus have just sat down in a swanky French bistro when a very attractive Mademoiselle approaches their table......

"Bonsoir Monsieurs, what can I...err....interest you in tonight?"

"How about a quicky?" suggests Paddy

The visibly upset waitress throws a pitcher of Evian in Paddy's face, gives him a right hander and storms off through the swing doors into the kitchen.

"Paddy!" says Seamus " It's pronounced 'Quiche' you ****ing eejit!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by York Ham(mer) »

People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2017 they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

Dover KUMB fan wrote:A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The prices are all around the £100 mark, except for one on the end that is priced at only £10.
"Why so cheap?" asks the lady pointing at the end one.
The shop assistant replies "Well he was rescued from a Brothel after a police raid, And his language can be a bit fruity"
The lady grins & says "Sounds like it could be a laugh, so I'll take it."

She gets it home & sets the cage down in the lounge. "The parrot looks around & squawks "F... me! a new knocking shop!"
The lady laughs & thinks how funny her new pet could be.

Her daughters come in from school & immediately go to see the new house guest. "F... me! New prostitutes too!" says the parrot. Like their mother, they find it highly amusing.

The husband walks through the door at 6pm. The parrot squawks "F...me Keith, long time no see!!"

even though i have heard this before it still made me laugh !!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Chicken Run Supreme »

Sinead O'Connor will be singing at Barry Chuckle's funeral..................Nothing Compares 2 you 2 me
Last edited by Chicken Run Supreme on Thu Aug 09, 2018 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

A girl comes home from school and tells her grandma that a boy has asked her out for a date. This being her first date, her grandma gives her some rules. "If he tries to come near you or hug you, its fine. If he tries to kiss you, well thats fine too but if he tries to lay you down and get on top of you, just push him and get out of there." The innocent girl was confused and asked, "Why grandma?" Grandma replied, "Because then he will disgrace our family."
The girl having learned the lesson goes on her date. When she returns, her grandma asked her what happened. She replied, "Everything went well. First he hugged me, then kissed me. But then he tried to lay me down. So instead I got on top of him and disgraced his family."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by szola »

Where do poor Italians live?

In the spaghetto...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

Dover KUMB fan wrote:A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The prices are all around the £100 mark, except for one on the end that is priced at only £10.
"Why so cheap?" asks the lady pointing at the end one.
The shop assistant replies "Well he was rescued from a Brothel after a police raid, And his language can be a bit fruity"
The lady grins & says "Sounds like it could be a laugh, so I'll take it."

She gets it home & sets the cage down in the lounge. "The parrot looks around & squawks "F... me! a new knocking shop!"
The lady laughs & thinks how funny her new pet could be.

Her daughters come in from school & immediately go to see the new house guest. "F... me! New prostitutes too!" says the parrot. Like their mother, they find it highly amusing.

The husband walks through the door at 6pm. The parrot squawks "F...me Keith, long time no see!!"

:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

Chicken Run Supreme wrote:Sinead O'Connor will be singing at Barry Chuckle's funeral..................Nothing Compares 2 me 2 you
That would work much better if she was alive.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Cockneyboy311 wrote: That would work much better if she was alive.
That ghostly look is just for her video's.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

Cockneyboy311 wrote:That would work much better if she was alive.
errr ... she is alive :think:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Chicken Run Supreme »

Indeed. A wee bit fragile perhaps, but very much alive.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by York Ham(mer) »

Thought the wife was happy to fully repair my trousers. Or at least sew its seams.
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