The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Fri Sep 28, 2018 1:30 pm

Bamber :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Fri Sep 28, 2018 1:31 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:It's Dad's turn to cook as Mum is working late. Feeling adventurous, he cooks a nice piece of venison. However, he doesn't tell the kids what it is.
"What is it dad? " What animal is it from Dad?" etc etc all the time he is cooking it.
In the end as they sit at the table, dad says "I'll give you a clue, it comes from something that has the same name as the name mummy calls daddy"
Little Jimmy shouts "Dont eat it! It's a farrkin aaarsehole!!!"



:D :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:09 pm

Samba wrote:Just read a great book about what actually caused the Titanic to sink.
It was really riveting.

The Old Man of Storr wrote:Please tell me you're just making these jokes up as you go along because you're bored . :D They're not real jokes are they ? :D

:oops:
I hurt myself on the end of a cutting tool but I don't want to talk about it, it's a bit of a saw point.
Last edited by Samba on Sat Sep 29, 2018 4:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:28 pm

Following the death of his parrot from obesity Long John Silver says..it's a weight off his shoulder
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Sun Sep 30, 2018 4:22 am

I had acupuncture to treat a bad back.
To be honest, it just gave me pins & needles.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby irving boleyn on Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:05 pm

The last time I recounted a joke on her I got called a plagiarist !

Their words,not mine....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:40 pm

Someone suggested that I should visit native American sites in the U.S but I have my reservations.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby devonshire flu on Tue Oct 02, 2018 2:56 pm

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a balcony?



Tequila!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Tue Oct 02, 2018 3:15 pm

“To be is to do”—Socrates.
“To do is to be”—Jean-Paul Sartre.
“Do be do be do”—Frank Sinatra.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Barking Boy on Wed Oct 03, 2018 10:27 pm

Noble Man wrote:My daughter came home with a new pet - a very small newt. She told me she was calling it Tiny and when I asked her why she called it Tiny she replied 'because he's my newt'.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:54 am

vietnammer wrote:“To be is to do”—Socrates.
“To do is to be”—Jean-Paul Sartre.
“Do be do be do”—Frank Sinatra.
T

That was written on my favourite bog wall @ Uni.

Adjacent was an arrow pointing to the bog roll and there was written:
" Social Science Students Please Take One".
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby BalaamBoy on Thu Oct 04, 2018 3:48 pm

Tenbury wrote:
That was written on my favourite bog wall @ Uni.

Adjacent was an arrow pointing to the bog roll and there was written:
" Social Science Students Please Take One".


Many moons ago when I was still a student, there were two bits of grafitti that always made me laugh. One said 'Noel Brotherston would be God, if he wasn't a prod', (oldies might remember him) and the other, written on the side of the stall next to the paper said 'Not now, Scotty, I'm having a shi .........................................'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Thu Oct 04, 2018 3:56 pm

The so called experts told me that I would never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic, well I showed them, so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Thu Oct 04, 2018 3:57 pm

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night. Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Fri Oct 05, 2018 9:32 am

Hammer.CA wrote:The so called experts told me that I would never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic, well I showed them, so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase.



PMSL :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:31 am

I wanted to hire a bouncy castle for a kids party. They told me the rental was £50, and set up was £1000.
I said “That’s outrageous!!”
They replied “That’s inflation for you”
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:59 am

I've started band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't got a gig.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby uptonparkhurst on Fri Oct 05, 2018 12:08 pm

vietnammer wrote:I've started band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't got a gig.


:lol:

I'm making a music video - I'm offering your band a bit part in it.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Fri Oct 05, 2018 7:45 pm

vietnammer wrote:I've started band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't got a gig.


Ahem ... hate to piss on your chips but there are 1024 megabytes in one GigaByte

Just saying ... 8-)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby uptonparkhurst on Fri Oct 05, 2018 11:18 pm

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:
Ahem ... hate to piss on your chips but there are 1024 megabytes in one GigaByte

Just saying ... 8-)


Unless you're a manufacturer of USB sticks, that is (the cheating fookas!)
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