The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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-DL-
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

Label on my cassette tape said remove tabs to prevent Erasure. It worked I never heard a little respect ever again.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

Ummmm..........What lives on the South coast and sounds like Spunky Troubles .....?....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I bought a car from Bonnie Tyler the other day. It’s not very reliable though.

Every now and then it falls apart.


It also came with a free sat nav.

The first time I used it I got lost in France.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

Sauce! wrote:I bought a car from Bonnie Tyler the other day. It’s not very reliable though.

Every now and then it falls apart.
Could you turn around though ?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

What's blue and if it fell out a tree it would kill you?



A fridge with a denim jacket on.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Sauce! wrote:I bought a car from Bonnie Tyler the other day. It’s not very reliable though.

Every now and then it falls apart.
Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Could you turn around though ?
Yes, but the other day all the lights went out.

I don’t know what to do I’m always in the dark.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

jevs wrote:Far too clever for me
Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Chemical element for sodium is "Na".
I knew that but only just got it..thanks :oops:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

First I was afraid then I was petrified,
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:What's blue and if it fell out a tree it would kill you?



A fridge with a denim jacket on.
What 's brown and green, has 6 legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

A billiard table
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Monkeybubbles wrote:Music-related one liners required please, what have you got?


When I heard they had found a cure for dyslexia it was music to my arse.............
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

I picked up a Dalek hitchhiking on the A303 the other week.

When I asked him where he was headed , he said 'Exeter mate, Exeter mate'

I said i could take him as far as Taunton but that was it . . .
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

I smashed up 2 of my Queen CDs yesterday.
I wasn't stopping there though, I thought I want to break three.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by pablo jaye »

My mate said he didn't understand cloning.

I said, that makes two of us.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by V-M »

I got offered a job at the new factory making chess pieces.

Decided to turn it down though, they said it would be knights for the first month.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I used to go out with a girl who had a lazy eye but it didn’t last.

She had been seeing someone else the whole time.

Image
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:What's blue and if it fell out a tree it would kill you?



A fridge with a denim jacket on.

This really tickled me. Love it :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Barking Boy »

Did you know the original Police siren was invented in Neenargh, County Tipperary?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

I have a conspiracy theory :o

Anyone on here old enough to remember that old Imperial Leather soap advert.

The one where they were wealthy and all in bathtubs on their jet.

The wife browsing a magazine says " Bermuda looks nice " and the hubby telephones the pilot and says "Simon Bermuda" and the pilot says roger that and turns the plane to go to Bermuda.

Strangely they were never seen again :hush:



Edit: I only found it :D

" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

ageing hammer wrote:I have a conspiracy theory :o



Strangely they were never seen again :hush:




Maybe the silly fecker mistook the Domestos for the Imperial Leather, washed his nuts, then jumped out the plane.
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