The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25477
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 486 likes
- Total likes: 1491 likes
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
During the fire in Paris, firefighters rescued a small case. In it was a cheese roll, crisps, a biscuit & a carton of orange juice.
It was the Lunchpack of Notre Dame
It was the Lunchpack of Notre Dame
Online
:lol:
- Cockneyboy311
- Posts: 11513
- Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:23 pm
- Location: Fascination Street
- Has liked: 540 likes
- Total likes: 424 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
djbubbles wrote:Teacher to class. Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?
Little Paddy sticks up his hand and spurts out Trudy Glen
Teacher says, no its not. The correct answer is Maid Marian.
Little Paddy. But teacher, sing the song. Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen
:lol:
- Puff Daddy
- Gone for a Burton
- Posts: 42443
- Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:08 pm
- Location: Westham Way
- Has liked: 256 likes
- Total likes: 1158 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
When does Batman know its dinner time?
Din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, Batman !
Din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, Batman !
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My wife and I were at a marriage counselling session. During a particularly heated exchange, the therapist looked me firmly in the eye and said “we need to talk about the elephant in the room”.
“See”, I shouted at my wife, “even our therapist thinks you’re fat!”
“See”, I shouted at my wife, “even our therapist thinks you’re fat!”
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25477
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 486 likes
- Total likes: 1491 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Quasimodo came home and saw his wife in the kitchen with a wok.
He drooled "Yummy are we having a stir fry for supper love"
She replies "no I'm just going to iron your shirts"
He drooled "Yummy are we having a stir fry for supper love"
She replies "no I'm just going to iron your shirts"
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31757
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 642 likes
- Total likes: 594 likes
- smuts
- Posts: 33916
- Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 9:28 am
- Location: East, East, East London
- Has liked: 1533 likes
- Total likes: 1493 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I have no idea why but that really tickled meDover KUMB fan wrote:During the fire in Paris, firefighters rescued a small case. In it was a cheese roll, crisps, a biscuit & a carton of orange juice.
It was the Lunchpack of Notre Dame
- Cuenca 'ammer
- ex 'ouston 'ammer
- Posts: 40899
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 4:19 pm
- Location: Journey to the dead of night. High on a hill in Eldorado
- Has liked: 1976 likes
- Total likes: 1657 likes
- Puff Daddy
- Gone for a Burton
- Posts: 42443
- Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:08 pm
- Location: Westham Way
- Has liked: 256 likes
- Total likes: 1158 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A condemned man tied to a stake and facing the firing squad is offered a cigarette by his executioner before giving the signal to fire and the condemned man refuses the offer by saying, " No thanks its bad for you"
- ereford ammer
- Posts: 2653
- Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:21 pm
- Location: At the next level with all the malcontents
- Has liked: 25 likes
- Total likes: 2 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A vegan said to me that selling meat is disgusting .
I said selling fruit and vegetables is grocer.
I said selling fruit and vegetables is grocer.
- Tenbury
- Posts: 9325
- Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:28 pm
- Location: Too near Kidderminster
- Has liked: 728 likes
- Total likes: 1226 likes
- Rocketron
- Posts: 12916
- Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 7:45 pm
- Location: Kumb on feel the noize We've got David Moyes
- Has liked: 6 likes
- Total likes: 52 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Taking advantage of private enterprise using enterprise
A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa
A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa
- Samba
- Posts: 21815
- Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:36 pm
- Location: David Sullivan's least favourite fluffer.
- Has liked: 2466 likes
- Total likes: 891 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”
“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”
“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”
“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”
“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”
“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”
“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”
“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”
“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”
- Chicken Run Supreme
- Posts: 14922
- Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:58 am
- Location: Exiled in Angus
- Has liked: 874 likes
- Total likes: 855 likes
- Rocketron
- Posts: 12916
- Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 7:45 pm
- Location: Kumb on feel the noize We've got David Moyes
- Has liked: 6 likes
- Total likes: 52 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower.
I realized that I couldn't find the rake, so I yelled up to my wife,“Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"
I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion....
Then, as my wife wasn't sure she yelled "What?"
I repeated the gestures.
"Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
My wife replied that she understood and then signalled back.
She first pointed to her eye, next she pointed to her left breast,
then she pointed to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her,
"What the hell was that?
She replied,"
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !
I realized that I couldn't find the rake, so I yelled up to my wife,“Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"
I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion....
Then, as my wife wasn't sure she yelled "What?"
I repeated the gestures.
"Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
My wife replied that she understood and then signalled back.
She first pointed to her eye, next she pointed to her left breast,
then she pointed to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her,
"What the hell was that?
She replied,"
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25477
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 486 likes
- Total likes: 1491 likes
-
- Posts: 3178
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2890 likes
- Total likes: 616 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A penguin walks in to a pub and says to the barman "I'm looking for my brother, have you seen him?"
The barman replies "What does he look like?"
The barman replies "What does he look like?"