Post Osasuna thoughts

I’ve got to admit that I was not exactly overjoyed about nipping down to Upton Park today with the prospect of a top day’s test cricket on the telly.

This lack of enthusiasm was tempered by the disastrous first hour at Edgbaston, and in the event I was glad to get in the car and get away from the sound of jubilant convict filth. You’ve got a bull loose

Now I know a bit about Spanish football, being a keen supporter of the Basque team Real Sociedad, who are based in the beautiful city of San Sebastien (or Donastia, as the Basques call it). Osasuna’s also a Basque team, and they are from Pamplona, where every year the mad f*ckers let bulls loose in the narrow streets and play a bizarre game of chicken. I had the pleasure of visiting the place last year and stuffing my face with the regional speciality of roast goat. My mouth still waters just thinking about it.

For this final pre-Premiership game, the interest immediately for me was whether Pardew would start with his preferred XI for next week’s opener with Blackburn. It looked pretty much that way, with Carroll in goal, Tom as right back, Kondicksy at left back, Gabbers and Anton in the centre of defence, Yossi on the right of midfield, Matty down the left, Dailly and Reo-Coker in the central midfield and Teddy and Marlon up front.

The team looked resplendent in the new away strip and it only took two minutes before the alert Teddy had a snap shot at goal following a poor clearance by Ricardo, the Osasuna ‘keeper. Just two minutes later, a quick free kick by Matty fed the overlapping Kondicksy who put over a great cross to find Marlon who lashed the ball wildly over.

West Ham and Scotland

Dailly, in his Scottish midfield role won a ball with a great tackle on 9 minutes and Teddy pounced on the ball. He made a nice pass to Matty who put over a dangerous cross which the advancing Dailly met with a half volley that sailed over the bar.

Immediately afterwards Gabbers was cool as a cucumber on the ball and easily outfoxed ex-Villa striker Savo Milosevic. He then nearly undid his good work with a poor pass out of defence.

Yossi got hold of the ball for the first time on 12 minutes and got tugged back as he was running towards the box. Then two minutes later we took the lead following a Matty corner from the left. The ball got nodded back from the far post and there was Anton with enough time to rifle a low shot through a sea of legs and into the back of the net. It was fair reward for a dominant West Ham start.

Psycho

Tom, who looked like he had played his last game for the Irons in Cardiff, was being his usual combative self and Corrales the Osasuna left back took exception to a tackle on the edge of the box. He went barging into Tom with the kind of abandon that somebody might do, if they’d never come across the Czech psychopath before.

Osasuna had their first real chance on 33 minutes, after a free kick was conceded in a central position about 30 yards out. Milosevic just creamed it wildly over the bar. Two minutes later the visitors first shot on goal came in from a similar distance and position to the free kick, but Carroll comfortably held it around neck height.

Kondicksy, who has looked the real McCoy from what I’ve seen of him, made a great interception, ran quickly forward and found Marlon, but the striker fluffed a regulation pass in the direction of Matty.

The final action of the half saw Osasuna’s Moroccan midfielder Moha go on a jinking run, but his shot was high and wide.

Inbred bowled

I arrived in the concourse for £1.40’s worth of diabolical tea and caught up with the cricket. It was looking bleak; the kangaroo-shaggers were 47-0 and chasing only 282. Then Freddie stood up and we witnessed one of the finest overs I can remember, with two Oz scum wickets going, including the inbred Ponting. Get in there!

Back to the football to find no subs at half time on either side. Yossi came up with the first move of note after he threaded a fine ball out right to find Tom steaming down the wing. He banged over a hard low cross which the Osasuna defender missed, but so did Marlon - he looked surprised to see the ball near his feet. A minute later, the danger came down the other wing as Kondicksy sent over a curling cross to the far post. Teddy was waiting there, but he nodded over.

Israeli magic returns

On 51 minutes, it looked like Eyal had returned to the fold as Yossi made a Berkovic-like shimmy, allowing the ball to run by. He then passed to Teddy who sent over a cross which Yossi met with his head, but this was comfortably held by the ‘keeper. It was the move of the match and let’s hope that we see a lot more of that quality in the forthcoming season.

As is usual in pre-season games, it becomes difficult to make a clear judgement on the team as wholesale substitutions take place. This happened on 53 minutes as Teddy, Anton, Marlon and Reo-Coker were replaced by Z-man, Noble, Newton and James Collins.

We were now playing 4-5-1 with Zamora as the lone striker, but Noble was out to create an immediate impression with some quick passing. On 57 minutes, it was Noble who also sliced a shot wide after a Kondicksy free kick from a central position had hit the wall.

Osasuna made three changes themselves on 58 minutes and a minute later, Carroll did well to gather a low shot from a wide angle within the box.

The team balance changed again on the hour, with Dailly and Kondicksy being replaced by Hayden Mullins and Elliott Ward.

Strawberry blonde

Noble tried another free kick from the right side on 63 minutes and the unmistakeable carrot top of Collins met the ball but it went over the bar harmlessly. Three minutes later, a corner from the right led to the ball going loose. Ward was waiting in the box in a suspiciously offside position and the ball arrived at his feet, but his half volley was not the best and the ‘keeper saved well down low.

Another three changes by the visitors followed on 67 minutes and the next significant move on 73 minutes led to the equalizer. Just prior to this, the West Ham play had looked quite sloppy with both Tom and Gabbers giving the ball away. Then the cross came over and Punal went down rather easily under a challenge from Gabbers. The ref pointed to the spot and Punal scored.

The final West Ham changes came with 15 minutes left as Shaka made his surreal return and Williams came on for Matty.

The game fizzled out, and the reality was that the West Ham threat in the game had been almost non-existent since the withdrawal of Teddy and Marlon. To be fair to Z-man, he was left isolated with very little service at all.

High drama….not…Di Canio….not

Following the final whistle, we then had to wait around for a penalty shoot-out, which no doubt had been specified by the sponsors of the game. After Noble, Z-man, Collins and Williams had scored and Ward had missed, we found ourselves level at 4-4. Such excitement. It was now a sudden death. Newton and Mullins scored nicely, and after Shaka made a great save from Cruchaga, Yossi had the chance to win the match. He stood up and tried to execute a Di Canio style chip which went horribly wrong. Gabbers got his penalty but then Tom missed his, despite being given a second chance after the keeper had been adjudged to have moved off his line. We had lost 7-8 on penalties.

Let’s face it, the real deal is next week, but the pre-season has been pretty encouraging. Last week’s game and this one have revealed that Kondicksy and Gabbers are the pick of the new signings. Yossi worries me a bit with his slight build and he is undoubtedly heading for a lesson in the rough and tumble of English football. Eyal was stronger on the ball, let’s hope he adapts. Dailly looks comfortable in midfield and Teddy and Marlon have looked pretty sharp to me. Despite this, I am somewhat relieved that the manager has promised one or two new strikers before the end of the month.

It’s time for Upton Park to become a fortress again. We will struggle on the road, and what we cannot afford is a repeat of that Roeder-run where we couldn’t win at home for love nor money. How I would love it if we start next Saturday with a win as it will send us on our way for the Premiership survival we all crave.

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