Man crush

  • by Adam R
  • Filed: Friday, 23rd September 2011

It’s time to get this out in the open. My mate since I was four years old, a fellow season ticket holder and general all-round good egg has a man-crush dilemma.

Over the years, whilst riding the West Ham United rollercoaster, a series of our more questionable characters have fulfilled this important role for him. The man-crush player is rarely the obvious choice. He is not a common idol or legend in the mould of Moore, Dicks, Di Canio or dare I say it, Parker, whose commitment and talent are there for all to see.

No, it’s the fella who brings something different to the team that only the more diligent fan notices. Something unusual or endearing. This is not the guy who will dribble past two players and nutmeg the keeper, nor the player with the Rolls Royce touch and vision without whom the team fails to function.

Previous man crush candidates have included the likes of Moncur, Repka and most recently Franco, the latter being a fine example; a player who brought a tiny dash of guile (although admittedly not much, we wouldn’t want him to be over popular) to the most wooden and one dimensional team seen at the Boleyn for years.

This season he’s been scratching his head a bit as to where his Man Crush affection should be directed, but at the home game against Portsmouth he had that glint in his eye again...

On two or three occasions their keeper punted it long only for Varney to drift in from the left wing and clatter Tomkins. Kevin Nolan picked up on this pattern and ‘politely’ informed the referee that this should not be allowed to occur again. Well, surprise surprise it did, with the result being Tomkins floored and seemingly quite fortunate not to crack a rib or two in the resulting fall.

We winced as their keeper punted the next one upfield only to see Nolan accidently clothes line Varney just as he gained momentum en-route to Tomkins. I put it to you that in the last few years this behaviour would have gone on unchecked and to the benefit of the opposing team for the remainder of the game.

Next up, the linesman awarded Portsmouth a throw-in near our corner flag which the West Stand and Bobby Moore Lower suggested should have been given to us. Fortunately we were awarded a free kick in the phase that followed, but it was pleasing to see Nolan make a point of berating the lineman and referees for the award of the original throw in.

Decisions like this have a nasty habit of costing us. I put it to you that in the last few years this would have not been questioned with any real venom and that decisions by the officials would have continued in this manner to the benefit of the opposition.

Five minutes into the second half Varney had started to look more settled and the threat on the left side was evidently growing again. In steps Mr Nolan with a clattering challenge near the half way lane which flattens Varney and says ‘I’m still watching you sonny’. Nolan approaches Varney whilst on the floor – maybe to apologise but from where we were standing 70 yards away it was clearly a case of letting him know that what goes around comes around.

Varney subsequently switches between flanks for the remainder of the game which seems to reduce his effectiveness. I put it to you that in the last few years the threat would have gone unchecked and would have ultimately punished us, probably in the usual 90th minute fashion.

Much has been written by West Ham fans about Kevin Nolan since his move. Perhaps we had anticipated someone who would dictate play in a more obvious manner, but his approach seems to be about subtle influence of the game in our favour (and the odd goal or two). I’m not sure what game Steve Cottrill was watching but Portsmouth had evidently come to us with a relatively physical game plan.

Last season I’m sure we would have crumpled, even with Parker who just didn’t have that side to his game. This is no longer the case.. We have a side that can compete when, and if games turn nasty and a captain that looks like he will pull the strings in the background.

And so, my mate's 'Man Crush' player for season 2011/12 is Mr Nolan. For now, at least...

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