New season, new players = new chants. It’s going to be a difficult season for West Ham, and not just on the pitch.
Enner Valencia should help, arriving as he does with a ready-made nickname – ‘Superman’, but Cheikhou Kouyate presents more of a problem - ‘He comes from Senegal –and now he’s West Ham’?Doesn’t rhyme. Luckily he’s got the number 8 shirt which might lend itself to a song. Carl Jenkinson? Too many syllables, and anyway he sounds like a character from Dad’s Army.
Ravel Morrison? Now there’s a dilemma. The allegations against him do not naturally lend themselves to songs of praise, but he can expect to hear his name taken in vain by opposition fans. So can Andy Carroll if his ankle ever shows up again – even if it does, his hair will still spend most of a game offside.
Ah, but you’ve now got Diego Poyet. Given his dad’s playing career, at clubs not so far from the Boleyn Ground, you might want to appropriate an old Leeds chant from when Kasper Schmeichel (son of Peter) played for them – ‘Your Dad’s a c*** – but you’re alright’.
You’re allowed to nick songs. We all do it. Last season Brentford nicked ‘Knees Up Mother Brown’. They were already promoted and news came through of Fulham’s relegation. Up went the song - ‘Bees up - Fulham down’. Genius in short form.
I'm confident Hammers fans will rise to the occasion. While researching my book ‘Dirty Northern B*st*rds’ I came across many a top chant from Upton Park. You’ll be pleased to hear WHUFC get 10 name checks, beating that lot across at White Hart Lane by one.
I was grateful to West Ham fans for their contribution to the wave of anti-Liverpool songs which spread across the country in the 1980’s and 90’s – ‘We’ve got Di Canio – you’ve got our stereos’. On other topics, I also liked ‘He’s big. He’s here. His name’s a Spanish beer, San Miguel, San Miguel’ even if he is really known as Adrian – West Ham West Ham’s Number 13…
WHUFC also have one of the best known signature songs in ‘Bubbles’. Everyone in football knows it, but outside of the club few know its origins which I discovered are in the USA as are many other football songs. You Tube search ‘ Burr and Campbell I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles’ and you can find the 1919 Broadway version. I prefer the Cockney Rejects take.
I look forward to hearing you on the telly, especially if Zarate gets a game. He’s got massive potential, as a player, and as a song.
Tim Marshall’s ‘Dirty Northern B*st*rds and other Tales from the Terraces’ is on sale now.
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