Latest Opinion

I don't watch Eastenders or any other soap. I don't need to because I'm a West Ham fan and they provide a weekly dose of drama, tears and terrible performances from highly paid professionals.

With the international break following the closing of the transfer window (known on Sky as Shouty Scotsman or Redknapp's Elbow) I thought I'd repeat West Ham's season since July 2nd and see if we can make sense of it all.

Europa Campaign - qualification through UEFA Fair Play

* 6 games
* 3 red cards
* Home game average attendance 34,000 over three matches
* Out before BT started the TV coverage
* Club response - Didn't want to be in it anyway

Premier League Game #1

* Arsenal: 2-0 (a)
* Payet looked exciting, midfield kept shape, defence kept clean sheet, no red cards. All in all a lovely day !
* Such hope! Such fun tormenting the large number of Arsenal fans in my office.

Premier League Game #2

* Leicester City: 1-2 (h)
* First home game of historic final season at Boleyn. Attendance 34,857.
* 2 - 0 down at half time.
* Adrian sent off in final minute for a three-match ban
* Pre-match press conference special - Arsenal is forgotten, this is a home game and massively important. All the boys know we have to work hard.

Premier League Game #3

* AFC Bournemouth: 3-4 (h)
* Second game of historic final season at Boleyn. Attendance 34,977.
*2-0 down at half time (again)
* Carl Jenkinson sent off (only contact he made all game)
* Run ragged by a promoted team and as much as they deserved it, we did get back to 2-2 and still managed to give it away
* Pre-match press conference specials - Jenkinson. I want to be in Euro 2016 squad
* Ogbonna - We have learned from Leicester game and have been working hard all week as a team

After the high of beating Arsenal away for the first time since Bobby's superb lob and Rob Green's superhero goalkeeping, we endure two home defeats and the phrase "fortress" is abandoned from all club website content.

The above reads like a TV schedule. A game a week. It's the drama in the middle that drives me crazy......

Europa League Press Conferences

* Tomkins - So proud to be captain, I've matured a lot. Follow by a red card
* Collins - we need to be streetwise, professional (two yellows in quick succession and off he walks)
* West Ham club summary - We didn't want to be in it anyway, it's all about the Premier League

Was the impact of early games not to be felt until September to November? Our Leicester and Bournemouth performances suggest we gained nothing from the Europa games. Not once did we pick a team to build a team. It was always a Select XI. No real argument, we were never going to win it.

Will we sign Hernandez? Will we sign Remy, will it be Charlie Austin? No. We will end up with Adebayor and probably Carlton Cole again.

I think Adebayor will score goals but unless Spurs pay some of his wages I can't see how he can be good for the club, being the top earner and effective for his first 10 games before he starts unpacking his considerable baggage.

Is Alex Song coming? No, maybe in January but for now it's Joey Barton (two weeks after pulling out of the deal). Zarate is injured, Valencia is seriously injured, Carroll is in rehab (a phrase used more for Carroll than any living rock star).

Sakho is on a charge we got rid of Ravel Morrison for (regarding his off field 'troubles'). Then Modibo Maiga shows us what he can do with a solo goal against Bournemouth and is subsequently announced as a signing for a Saudi Arabian club (Al Nassr). Rumours of a £6m transfer being on hold circulate, as we need him to lead the line against Liverpool (away).

We're trying to flog James Collins, even though it's very clear that we cannot afford to lose defenders. Still the only sale has been Downing.... one of our best players, while Amilfitano has a strop, Nolan trots around like an 80-year-old and Mark Noble still (bless him) repeats lines he has been saying for nine seasons like he actually believes them.

We don't need 'bodies', we need quality. Why let Elliot Lee go on loan when we are so short of strikers? Would he not have troubled Leicester or Bournemouth in a ten minute cameo if given instruction to just go for it?

David Sullivan posting his thoughts on Charlie Austin. Valencia posting his thoughts on his injury. Carroll allegedly pulling his ankle while putting on a shoe. Sakho returning to the scene of his alleged crime to make it worse and getting arrested again.

Rob Green is linked with a return but his wages are higher than they were when he had to let him go. We're desperately trying to register him so (gulp) Randolph didn't face Bournemouth again. After the Austin comments, that was never going to happen.

London club fans getting a petition submitted to Parliament to investigate the Olympic Stadium bid.

Sam Allardyce not only on MotD but then on Sky Super Sunday with his smug face surrounded by ex-players repeating lines like "What is the West Ham Way?" Or "this wouldn't have happened under Sam" and "he keeps teams in the Premier League". I'm disillusioned, but not so much to fear the drop after only three games.

The West Ham way is what Allison, Greenwood and Lyall brought to the club. Pride in the shirt, passion from the fans, skill on the ball with steel to defend it. It's not a chinese puzzle or some eternal mystery just an avoidance of being boring AND losing.
(Sam, January to May 2015)

The owners will continue to pump out nonsense about working all hours trying to sign international strikers when we all know Barton is cheap and Adebayor is available - and that will be it. I was reminded of this at a BBQ at my brothers last Saturday.

Family talking, sun shining, music playing while my brother and I looked up from our phones and said to each other shaking our heads "for fuck's sake". A reminder that I spent all summer looking forward to this hugely important season for West Ham and now am in a familiar state of confusion and despair before 4pm.

Next up? Liverpool away. Is Carroll fit for this? Of course he isn't. In Bilic we trust..... but get on with it. Can I predict the future? No but I will predict this:

Aug 28: Payday. I will get pissed.
Sept 1: The transfer window closes.
Sept 2: We all check news for confirmation it wasn't just Joey Barton.
Sept 3: Carlton Cole rejoins West Ham.

* Like to share your thoughts on this article? Please visit the KUMB Forum to leave a comment.

* Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the highlighted author/s and do not necessarily represent or reflect the official policy or position of KUMB.com.