When the highlight of a four-hour round trip to a place you once called home is this:
I have a hangover. This is not good. Nor was the football I watched against Leicester City yesterday. I have a hangover as a result of too Many Carlsberg Exports, not the Champagne football at "Fortress Upton Park".
Prague is a lovely place, go, visit it, but go in the summer. I am now, a week after returning only just able to move around freely without a quilt, some warm Ribena (why, when ill, do I have to drink warm Ribena) and a load of paracetamol. As lovely as it is in the Winter, it is cold, very cold.
I think it was when that bloody irritating voice called out "Welcome to Fortress Upton Park" that I realised we were in trouble. It was immediately obvious to me that this statement of overconfidence would be our downfall. I also felt like reminding him we were in all in the Boleyn Ground, Upton Park.
Happy New Year, happy February and happy Leicester, because as I write they have gone one nil up in the Worthington Cup. I'm sure all of us will be hoping that Tony Cottee can make an appearance at Wembley and walk away with a winners medal. That is of course to take nothing away from Tranmere who have done fantastically well and are probably hoping they play Premiership opposition at Prenton Park every week.
It's just all been a little too much for me, this past week; in fact I could almost thank our misfit club for pushing me to the edge and having it large.
I've been thinking, yes even I do it sometimes. I can't believe our European dream is over; I cannot believe we created so many chances and failed to score. I also cannot believe how bad the game at Stamford Bridge was last Sunday. I knew I'd regret not going to Romania, I only hope now it is not another 18 years until we have a European night at the Boleyn.
Phew. Another cold lager, the fantastic Supergrass on the stereo. Maybe I can catch my breath, work out if anything has gone horribly wrong so far this season (don't worry, the Blurbs were a one-off in an occasional series of the madder workings of my and other peoples minds, wait until we revisit "cult of the nine"and the Bo's amongst the more surreal things that have happened this decade).
I've realised that I am still buzzing, so with one of my duty free lagers and some of the obligitory Toblerone that I feel I simply have to buy every time I go abroad, I'll try and make some sense and convey what the last 24 hours have been like.
"Hi, my name's Stereo Mike, what the hell am I doing drinking in L.A", hell I'm not even 26, or L.A for that matter.
A Lost weekend, in a hotel in Helsinki.
'Havin it in Ibiza, Yeah!!
Again it seems an age since I have written for my favourite on line West Ham fanzine...
It always seems so much has happened in between my writing for KUMB, but I'd like to dedicate my ramblings here to John Moncur.
My, how things change in this topsy turvy, curly wurly season.
Happy new year, yeah right - it would be if we could stop conceding four goals a game, what's happened? We aren't leaking goals, but we are gushing goals against. I am having a hard time getting to grips with the whole thing...
Happy new year to everyone, or anyone that takes the time to read my somewhat irrelevant thoughts. It's back to work for all of us and I'm having trouble carrying those extra pounds around the office, particularly after the lastest Cup debacle and to think I referred to the Swans as "only Swansea" about 5 minutes before kick off!! I guess some of us will never learn , or weren't there against Farnborough Town, Grimsby, Stockport, Luton, Wrexham etc. I was lucky enough to see the mighty Emley and the home game against the Cobblers though, lucky me eh.
Itís been over a month now since Iíve written for KUMB and so much has changed, or has it I hear some of the doubters cry.
So here I am again for round 3. It seems everything imaginable has happened at our beloved club since I last put fingers to keys (that is other than a West Ham win).
So, my first week on the Knees Up Mother Brown editorial team ends with two 1-0 wins for the Hammers, yet we have managed to find ourselves out of the Mickey Mouse, sorry Worthington Cup and strangely 4th in the league, behind Villa, Derby and Wimbledon, what are the odds those three points come back to haunt us.
Welcome to my little piece, I'm not sure how over the coming season I'm going to angle my thoughts and stories for KUMB, but I hope you'll stick with me and them and hopefully we/I can all come up with something we enjoy.