The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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The Old Man of Storr
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

Jesus , Sliema , that's sad , mate , very sad . I wish you all the strength in the world , mate .

Rigobert - I'd start with going to your GP - it's ok trying to placate the family [ daughters etc ] but at the moment you have to look after you - then talk to the family . You're suffering and need help .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by OFT »

Sliema, as others have said, a truly sad tale, stay strong.


Rigobert. You've made a start by posting here. Now follow TOMoS's advice and go see your GP soon. I tend to put it off when my 'episodes' appear but ultimately that first chat with the GP, for me, always seems to lighten the load at least a little..


Good luck to you both and all.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by ageing hammer »

^^^^^^^^^^^

This, cannot add anything of worth except to say my heart goes out to you both at this difficult time
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Mega Ron »

She's 20 mate, but she's still a kid.

I know people in their 50s who are still off with their parents because they split up when they were younger. You can only do your best and offer them all the love and support you can.

As it is, take some time for yourself and find ways to move on.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

many thanks for the advice and help i really appreciate it .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Sliema1990 »

I have to say, people have been fantastic, including you on here. So many offers of help. On a personal note, I did a lot of my grieving when she left 5 years ago. As much as it hurts, my sons are my priority now.Getting them the help and counselling they may need. School has been fantastic,as has my employer.
People have said how well i have handled the situation.Especially as she went off 5 years ago,under difficult circumstances.
However she was the woman who shaped me into the man and devoted Dad that i am today. Being respectful is the least i can do.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Turns to Stone »

rigoberts song wrote:many thanks for the advice and help i really appreciate it .
Mate, I work at a scholl with students aged 15 -19. Most of them are from wealthy families and most from divorced parents. Some of the stuff they come out with is horrendous about their parents. They wish they would leave them alone, they wish they were dead, they love their Dad and they hate their Mum etc etc.

Two weeks later, it's all changed and they have swapped allegiances or they love them both or whatever.

They are still kids and they are figuring things out slowly. I have a two-year old at home, and I'm always amazed by how his reactions to certain things are so similarly to some of how students. They are still figuring out how to deal with their emotions and their anger/love/frustration.

I know it's easier said than done, but take the higher road. She'll figure it out and in a few years she'll understand that you always had her interests at heart.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

Sliema1990 wrote:.I will never quite understand why, After she left, she didn't make a lot of effort to see the boys.I gave her as much access as she wanted.I wrote to her telling so, but she claimed i was controlling her life, even after she left.So i just left it at that.
.

Sliema,
There are quite a number of reasons why your ex may not have wanted to see her children much.
Firstly your children are a constant reminder of the fact that she left them, thats a hard burden for any parent to live with, especially someone already suffering with mental illness/depression.
By not seeing them she isnt confronting her guilt and shame, its just a form of denial.
The claim that you were controlling her is the same thing, much easier to blame others then to confront the awful truth about yourself.
Either way I would try not to dwell on it too much and certainly not to blame yourself (though at some stage you will naturally wonder if you could have done more, or done something else,) ,please dont.
There is a group called Cruse and they specialise in people bereaved by suicide.
They have been recommended to me by several people and this group maybe of use to both yourself and your sons.
When someone we love dies by suicide, the grieving process can be more complex and even more difficult to resolve.
Some natural responses to bereavement by suicide include confusion, guilt and shame and isolation.
Website https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/traum ... nt/suicide" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Phone number 0808 808 1677

Good luck to you and your sons mate, thats a real crap thing thats happened to you all.
Please seek help if you feel you or the boys need it.
Keep talking.
Keep unloading.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

rigoberts song wrote:I feel a bit stupid asking for help and contributing to this thread when so many people are in a far worse places than me.
Basically i met someone 20 yrs ago raised two daughters with her they went to a nice local school money not an issue and they had lots of love.I have pics of them in my house as sweet girls smiling and being hugged by me.The eldest is training to be a doctor now youngest upper sixth and ok too.Broke up with their mum 4 yrs ago.The youngest is on and off with affection eldest blanking me and one word answers no fathers day cards birthday cards xmas cards or presents.I spent last xmas day on my own decorating my kitchen !
They have pretty much everything loads of love warmth and kindness from us both but last Thursday had an argument at the family home when I visited .So I told them i was close to the edge turned my phone off and went down to the seaside for four days.They assumed I'd committed suicide and I have felt suicidal but wouldn't do it I don't think.Came back to work today I own my own business and Come back to lots of messages from the youngest telling me she loves me and being kind and loads from mates but a very cold one from the oldest telling me to ring her sister and stop being stupid I know I'm not well but don't really know where to turn perhaps my GP or a private counsellor ?.Hope I'm not being silly or indulgent.
My heart goes out to all you people who are having real difficulties. But any advice is welcome thank you in anticipation. RS
Firstly you are not being stupid, silly or self indulgent , please never ever think that (same goes for everyone that reads this thread).
Secondly feeling suicidal is a terrible burden to carry around with you. You need to talk to someone , if unloading on here helps then please carry on, if that doesnt work then professional help via your GP or private should be considered. Finally there is The Samaritans 24x7x365 . Tel 116 123.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

rigoberts song wrote:I feel a bit stupid asking for help and contributing to this thread when so many people are in a far worse places than me.
As others rightly say, there's no one or not anything that's too trivial for this thread.
Feeling bad is feeling bad, whatever it's caused by. This is the place to post for anyone that's not feeling good, in any way.
Your gp is a good place to start as others have said.
Hope you feel a bit happier soon, rs.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

Mushy - you really are a gem , hope you know that , a natural at this - you should be a Counsellor , mate . :thup:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Sliema1990 »

Mushy - Thanks a lot for your advice mate. I contacted Winstons Wish, who were very good in giving advice for the boys.
My youngest one who is 12, knows that his Mum died in the woods.I haven't told him that she hanged herself.
The eldest who has just turned 18 knows the full picture. I guess my next challenge will be on the 2nd August My youngest shared the same Birthday as his Mum. I am hoping the excitement of attending the Pre Season Friendly the following day,will help to ease the pain for him.
I have then booked a holiday for the 3 of us from the 8th August. So i am trying to keep us all occupied.
Once i know that the boys are settled,then i will look for some help for myself. I am sure talking about it does a lot of good.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Sliema1990 wrote:I have about a dozen bin bags in my garage, a couple of boxes, and a few paintings.All to show for 45 years of life on this Earth. As i said Tragic.
She also left two sons who you clearly adore. One of many reasons why her life was not a waste.
It's still heartbreaking for you all though & it's such early days.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Double post.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

Not a Mental Health problem as such but since going into hospital for 15 days with pancreatitis and bacteraemia of the blood I've been finding it very difficult getting off to sleep .

For the second part of the stay , the last 5 days or so anyway I developed this type of ' Restless Legs ' type of syndrome whereby I just couldn't keep still , very uncomfortable , this horrible sensation that seemed to creep right down my spine , the Nurse gave me a combination of antihistamine and liquid morphine but I still couldn't sleep - today will be my 4th day home , I've been in bed maybe 5 hours now , for the last hour I've been wide awake so I've got up . It was 3.25 am when I got out of bed , been awake since 2.30 am - went to bed at around 10.20 pm .

The good news is my head feels better this morning , it no longer craves fast songs [ I was getting up first thing and sticking on my headphones listening to The Damned or whoever could keep up with my racing brain ] , strange sensation altogether probably caused by the antibiotics , a combination of Tazocin to begin with , then a trio of Amoxicillin , Metronidazole and Cotrimoxazole when I got to Raigmore - ' we no longer use Tazocin ' they informed me , ' Why did they give you that ? ' - ' Because I told them that's what they gave me back in 2016 ' . :)

I guess I'll get back to normal soon .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Thanks for all your help and great advice everybody I really appreciate it.
Good luck to all you other souls on here who are having a tough time.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

rigoberts song wrote:Thanks for all your help and great advice everybody I really appreciate it.
Good luck to all you other souls on here who are having a tough time.
Your Family will ALL come round in the end , mate - young people get affected / need to blame one party or another for the hurt / disruption a split brings to them . It'll just take time . :thup:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by WHU Independent »

I've just completed the first half of the Mental Health First Aid course - and it's brilliant! I'm on it through work and it has really changed the way I look at mental health and how I think about it. It's basically it is first aid for the mind and shows you how to recognise situations where people may have mental health problems, how to engage with them and what actions you can take to assist them, if they want assistance.

It's important to point out it's does not give you the ability to diagnose - but it does help make you aware of who may be impacted, what factors to look out for and, most importantly, how to listen actively but without judgement.

The tutor I have is excellent and the course gives you some techniques you can use to watch, listen and assess a situation if a person is showing certain behaviours.

One thing I learnt was to be wary of what is called the "miraculous recovery." If a highly depressed person has a complete turn about face, is contacting old friends, visiting long lost relatives, is busy meeting people and getting their affairs in order, it is possibly a sign that they may attempt to take their life.

There is no such thing as a "miraculous recovery" and it is a flag to look out for in depressed people.

Another thing, that the Admins may want to put on the first page, is a list of suicide crisis lines all round the world similar to the Samaritans for people who are contemplating suicide. As we have a number of members around the world this may come in handy.

List of world numbers here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_s ... isis_lines" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Many thanks TOMOS appreciate it !
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

rigoberts song wrote:Many thanks TOMOS appreciate it !
Rigoberts, you have a PM.
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