The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby pablo jaye on Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:45 pm

Cambs - it would actually be interesting to get people’s thoughts on this ... is the better weather having a positive effect on your mental health? If so, why?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Samba on Fri Jul 05, 2019 7:03 pm

Unfortunately, as far as seasons are concerned, I'm nuts all year round.
Rather prefer the warmth & long, light evenings to the dark & cold, though.
Funnily enough, I've known some people with depression who prefer the dark & cold.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby thosewerethedays on Fri Jul 05, 2019 8:37 pm

I can’t speak for the people with depression, but I hate the good weather. I think that in the good weather everybody seems to be having fun and I don’t think they should, I think everybody should be sad and unhappy and I resent the fact that they are not.
Whether they are actually having more fun in the sun, or whether it’s because they are enjoying themselves outside, so I can just hear it more, I don’t know.
All illogical and bitter I know.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Samba on Fri Jul 05, 2019 9:16 pm

No, I & I'm sure others can understand it very well, twtd.
Like the problem with social media, people loudly enjoying Summer can make it feel like everyone's living happier lives than ourselves. It probably is because you hear the outside world much more, at this time of year & sometimes it can feel or even be, very intrusive.
If we're sad & unhappy in ourselves, no wonder the sound of others 'living it up', might make us feel worse.
It is our perception though. There's actually a lot of sad & unhappy people as well, out there. I suppose by definition, they tend to be quieter.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby WestHamByTheSea on Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:28 pm

thosewerethedays wrote:I can’t speak for the people with depression, but I hate the good weather. I think that in the good weather everybody seems to be having fun and I don’t think they should, I think everybody should be sad and unhappy and I resent the fact that they are not.
Whether they are actually having more fun in the sun, or whether it’s because they are enjoying themselves outside, so I can just hear it more, I don’t know.
All illogical and bitter I know.


I think this is an important point to pick out. Good weather (as well as certain times of the year such as when the clocks go forward or even in winter when we might have beautiful sunsets in the afternoon) is an unpredictable thing when it comes to depression (or anxiety for that matter).

I've been on a broadly upward curve this year after coming to the utter limit mentally last year, and as such have been in a better place to be able to act upon the easy maxim of "hey the sun's out, that's great, I'll go for a walk, get a tan, watch the sunset over the sea etc etc". But when one is in a 'stuck' bad place mentally, it can indeed have the reverse effect. When depression really takes hold, it can invert all logic and basically make black=white - to whit, "the weather's lovely today...well maybe it will be tomorrow, I'll go out then" or "So what if the weather's great, it's been great before". Such stuff seems logical to the depressed mind. And then often the next day the opposite will be true.
Even in my generally improved mindset of late, I've had days recently where I've decided to not go, even for a few minute walk to the beach or the park - almost to spite myself and prove the negative mindset right.


I'm no professional on all this but i have been at the wrong end of this stuff for a very long time, so I'll only offer this advice to take or ignore.

Basically, don't (or at least try not to) beat yourself up if you find yourself reacting badly to the good weather. It isn't nor should it be a 'sunny and hot is good, not like that is bad' thing. It's just how you are feeling, and just cos of the way society (understandably to be fair) bases itself around a 'sunny=good' mentality doesn't mean a thing. I've found one of the best ways of avoiding this essentially 'guilty' emotion at not being out and frolicing amongst the hoardes is to try and find something that you like to do indoors and can only do indoors (and bear in mind getting some on the top deck of a bus doesn't always count). It can be anything - cook something, watch a favourite film, do some chores, listen to music, literally anything that you might choose to do on a snowy January evening. Just find and recall something that you like doing and do it, and don't give a tit about whether it's 85 and cloudless outside. Who knows, it might put you into a nice mood to venture out for a little walk or what have you and then you might have a different perspective and enjoy the weather?!


Essentially, try to be accepting to and kinder to yourself. Don't worry about what you think is 'expected of you' at this time of year - it's moreorless the same process as not getting too fretful about false Xmas or New Year cheer. If you don't wanna go surfing, then don't. If you do, do. It's all good.


Sorry for turning into Tony Robbins a bit, but trust me from experience - don't fret if you feel like you're missing out on the generic expectations that surround how we're supposed to be in the summertime. It's all good. The Cure have just rocked the hottest and sunniest Glastonbury for 24 years after all, and they basically didn't leave their house - except to moan about how they didn't want to leave their house - between 1979-1999! 8-)
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Hammer Laffers on Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:55 pm

pablo jaye wrote:Cambs - it would actually be interesting to get people’s thoughts on this ... is the better weather having a positive effect on your mental health? If so, why?


Yup this is me.

During the winter I am pretty much suicidal. I get lots of suicidal thoughts especially if I’m on a run of nights where I might not see day light for 5 days.

Luckily I’ve stopped doing shift work for 9 months. Just your usual mon-fri office hours. I’ve said that I won’t do any nights until I go back to a role where I need to. Although I struggle just having the weekends off I already feel that my mood is so much better. I’m sleeping better, eating better and despite me having a really few proper **** weeks I feel much better in myself.

My main worry though is alcohol. Now that I am getting in at around 5 and I have my evenings back I am finding myself having a drink pretty much every night. I probably need to substitute it with exercise.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby WHU Independent on Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:39 am

I am Vit D deficient and I've been spending a lot of time out in the sun, soaking up the rays.

It has affected me in a positive way. I am more pro active and have more energy than I usually have. I do more stuff. I am more positive and sociable.

Despite some of the really nasty **** I have in my life., I feel better in myself through sitting in the sun,

It really works for me.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Samba on Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:58 pm

WHU Independent wrote:I am Vit D deficient and I've been spending a lot of time out in the sun, soaking up the rays.

Some say (not the NHS, maybe for £ reasons?) that most people in the UK are probably deficient or at least on the low side. We all really don't get enough sun, for the majority of the year, being quite Northerly in our hemisphere.
And remember, you have to eat the right foods & THEN get some sun on your bare skin, to activate it.
That doesn't mean baking in it for hours though!
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Hammer Laffers on Sat Jul 06, 2019 11:52 pm

RUOK.

A phase commonly said at work.

Tonight. No I’m not ok.

My now ex girlfriend has lied and cheated her way through our relationship. Has £7k of my money that I never expect to realistically get back and has turned a lot of people against me with lies. It’s only tonight that I’ve found out the extent of the lies and it all sounds familiar from a life that I once had and put away.

Done with it all tbh.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby bubbles1966 on Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:40 am

As annoying as it can be to look at relationships in hindsight - getting rid of a wrong 'un is always a good thing. If they ain't right for you, move on.

Get people and events that drag you down out of your life. Life's too short and too precious to waste on them. Do the things you like and enjoy them as much and as often as you can. (sorry if that seems vacuous,)

I don't pop in here very often because I don't feel I can add much value - but lots of love to all of you who feel a bit low for whatever reason. I'm absolutely sure that plenty of people who've met you or only know you through here , really wish the best for you.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Tenbury on Sun Jul 07, 2019 5:29 am

HL,
Your not dumb, you know that the bitterness, (and f**k me doesn't that cut deep?) will only diminish with time. Even in month or two it won't be as raw. Try and blank it as much as you can, and when you can't, rant away on here or phone a helpline, that's what they're for. Finding out someone close has been taking the piss is pretty devastating, but at least now you know, and it aint happening now.
You're well rid, and in time, even 7grand will seem like a bargain, that's just money, and your personal self respect is worth far,far more, in truth you couldn't put a price on it.
It's her loss mate, bollox to her. Good luck.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby pablo jaye on Sun Jul 07, 2019 7:30 am

Laffers - sorry to hear about your tough time. You are one of life’s good eggs and you will end up in a better place .... whilst it is very difficult at the moment and it doesn’t seem like that there is any way forward, you will come through it. As mentioned above in a few days, weeks, months time things will get better and you’ll be able to look back. Whilst the time and money you have invested in the relationship is significant - it could be a lot worse, if it had continued for longer.

As for the lies to friends .... the real ones that are worth their salt will see the lies for what they are.

Also, keep chatting?

:scarfer:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Sun Jul 07, 2019 7:39 am

Good advice from Tenbury and Pablo :thup:


Mood is naturally low just now , been on strong antibiotics which themselves make me feel ill , fighting some form of bacteria in the blood due to pancreatitis , got another seven days of them to go . Will feel better when I get home .
Love to you ALL .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Samba on Sun Jul 07, 2019 4:42 pm

The Old Man of Storr wrote:Good advice from Tenbury and Pablo :thup:
Mood is naturally low just now , been on strong antibiotics which themselves make me feel ill , fighting some form of bacteria in the blood due to pancreatitis , got another seven days of them to go . Will feel better when I get home .
Love to you ALL .

Get yourself some Yacult or Actimel, TOMoS. Antibiotics supposedly wipe out our good bacteria as well as the bad.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Samba on Sun Jul 07, 2019 4:51 pm

Laffers, that's some tough sh*t you've been & are going through. There's some right utter b*stards out there, male & female. As the others said, try & count yourself lucky now that you're out of it. You don't need liars & cheaters in your life. Nobody does.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Lovejoy2 on Sun Jul 07, 2019 5:08 pm

Cambs Iron wrote:I know the weather doesn't fix mental health but its a huge factor in people feeling good about themselves. Maybe this thread being quiet is in relation to that, hope everyone is well and don't suffer in silence.


I enjoy seeing more sunshine but I hate the heat, plus the flies and the hot bedrooms at night, roll on Autumn in my opinion, oh and on a side note I don't think the time of year or weather affects my mood etc.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby WHU Independent on Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:28 pm

Being lied to and deceived is for me, and I suspect for others here, one of THE worst things that can happen to someone to someone in a relationship, so I feel your pain HL

I've had an ex who shagged another bloke behind my back and I got mad when I found out - NOT because she was shagging a guy - but because all the effort, time and organisation put into deceiving me to ensure she had a clear run at it. She'd shagged men before she met me and would be shagging men after we finished, but the sheer amount of deceit and lies behind the whole deception was staggering.

Like an onion, I unravelled it all - sometimes thinking it was best left unknown - and once I worked out what was going on, it was like a hard punch to the gut. But I knew what she did, how far she planned it and what it took to happen.

But as Tenbury and PJ so eloquently put it, pain goes away after time.: it's temporary in most cases. But rest assured your ex is the real loser here - she has lost something more valuable than she will ever know and she'll never get it back: your trust.

Whatever she says, whatever she claims, you'll never believe that she's being 100% truthful. Ever.

Imagine being doubted whatever you say.

Some people can forgive their partner for an affair. Most excuses being "it was a spur of the moment thing", "I was drunk," etc and although I couldn't, I can see why.

However a mountain of lies, the amount of pre planning, the scheming - that's another matter entirely. AND IMHO that is what makes it so bad.

Move on mate - you are the better person.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby ageing hammer on Mon Jul 08, 2019 11:23 am

Laffers really feel for you in this very tough time mate, there is plenty of good advice on here and you will definitely look back later on and realize you are worth more than being treated like this. It's her loss mate, keep fighting the good fight, give it time and you will move on. :thup:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Hammer Laffers on Mon Jul 08, 2019 11:59 am

Thanks for all your kind words.

WHUI summed it up. It’s the lies and deceit.

I’ve cleared her debt for her and basically she has ****ed off. It’s not the money it’s the lies. She reckons she will pay it back but she doesn’t get it.

She’s still lying now. But it’s getting worse and she’s trying to twist everything on me. I feel so horrendous. I’ve had a panic attack at work.

She asked me to stop talking to her weeks ago which I did. Since then she has text me every day.

So far today I’ve had 33 text messages and 2 attempted phone calls.

Years ago I had an episode of self harm. This is the first time those thoughts have ever come back to me.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Postby Mega Ron on Mon Jul 08, 2019 12:15 pm

Block her number mate
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