The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Hammer.CA
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Despite winning rave reviews, Kenyan method actor fails his audition for the David Bowie starring role in the remake of the film The Man Who Fell To Earth.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

A couple of weeks ago, someone got took down for making tasteless jokes.

Surely someone must have something built around the guy and his daughter who drowned.?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Francoisvander or else »

Paddy and Murphy go on their first ever flight. The flight is lovely and smooth when Paddy says to Murphy "if this plane flew upside down would we fall out"? "Not at all" replies Murphy, "will always be friends".
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I took our dog to the vet and asked for its tail to be cut off.
"Why do you want me to do that?" asked the vet. "Well", I explained, “my mother in law is coming to visit tomorrow and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Why were Star Wars episodes 4,5 & 6 made before 1,2 & 3?

Because head of scheduling Yoda was.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

Someone asked a cow why it has hooves and not toes.

Because I'm lactose
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

The price of a bowl of strawberries at Wimbledon.
What a racket.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

Sauce! wrote:I took our dog to the vet and asked for its tail to be cut off.
"Why do you want me to do that?" asked the vet. "Well", I explained, “my mother in law is coming to visit tomorrow and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cuenca 'ammer »

Sauce


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

^^^^^^

This :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Old MacDonald had a calculator.

01313
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by pablo jaye »

Sauce! wrote:Old MacDonald had a calculator.

01313

That took me a minute to get ... very good.

5318008
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by pablo jaye »

A fella’s wife was trying to spark up their love life, so lay on their bed, naked, seductively using a lollipop, sliding it in and out and occasionally licking it.

‘Steady on’ the fella says ‘You’re gonna need to use that thing, tomorrow at the school crossing!!’
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

Hammer.CA wrote:Despite winning rave reviews, Kenyan method actor fails his audition for the David Bowie starring role in the remake of the film The Man Who Fell To Earth.
This has had me stumped for days. I have set aside all concerns; familial, philosophical and professional, wondering about it.

Please set me free.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Shy Ted »

Hammer.CA wrote:Despite winning rave reviews, Kenyan method actor fails his audition for the David Bowie starring role in the remake of the film The Man Who Fell To Earth.
vietnammer wrote:This has had me stumped for days. I have set aside all concerns; familial, philosophical and professional, wondering about it.

Please set me free.
Stowaway fell from a passenger jet and plunged into a garden in Clapham.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Who is the most laid back of all the Norse Gods?

Loki
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

Shy Ted wrote:Stowaway fell from a passenger jet and plunged into a garden in Clapham.
Aaah that's a relief. I mean poor fellow but that's a relief.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I came out of Sainsbury's just now and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money she had been saving for months. I felt so sorry for her and I’m sure you would have done the same, I gave her £50.

I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in the car park.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I've just released my own fragrance.

However, nobody on this train seems to like it.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

Wife said to me "I've lost 3 kilo, can you notice it?" So I got the yellow pages and tore 3 pages out and asked her "can you notice that's lost 3 pages "

In for surgery in the morning to have a phone book removed from my arse.
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